I was having a beer at Uno’s out of all places (Hey, I was trapped in the South Bay for a couple hours!) I was finishing up a journal entry and on the last chug of my wheat ale when I was approached by a handsome 30 something year old.

Man: Are you a Writer?

Me: Yes.

Man: Don’t go anywhere, I have to go say goodbye to my friend. But don’t leave.
(man returns)

Man: So what are you working on?
(I explain.)

Me: Are you a writer too?

Man: No, I am in business.
(smalltalk. blah. blah. smalltalk. )

Me: Hey, I have to go now, but let me get your email address because I think you would really like my friend Anne.

Man: I’m in a committed relationship. I’m just really friendly.

Me: Word. Me too.
(more smalltalk which results in a conversation about food. )

Man: Do you cook?

Me: Yes. I love to cook!

Man: ….So what did you say your number was again?…LOL

Me: oh, you mean Anne’s number?

Man: There you go again, back to Anne. Can Anne cook?

Me: Yeah, she can make all kinds of stuff.

I close up the conversation and say my goodbyes.

–submitted by hit on whilst chugging–

I was walking with my friends while we were going to go to EARTH aka EXIT (a club in nyc at the time) for one of my friends’ birthdays’ when an older lady walking with her friend starts calling my way…

Lady: “Hey! Wait a second!”

Me: “Huh?!”

Here I am thinking she needs directions or maybe I dropped something or whatever.

Lady: “Hunnie, I just wanted to tell you, you got it going on!”

She then goes to slap and grab my ass. I was stunned, and all I could say was “Thanks?! You too?”

My friends definitely got a kick out of that one. Looking back, I think I have the same reaction – “wtf just happened right there?!”

–submitted by “violated by the elderly”–

I’m walking down the street holding hands with my boyfriend at the time, (who’s now my ex-boyfriend) and this man comes up to us and says to my boy:

“Damnnn, that’s a fine shorty right there. Hunnie, wheres the ring?!”

I go to him, “Oh, I don’t have one.”

The guy then goes to my boy, “You better put a ring on that finger, if you want to keep a shorty like that.”

My boy at the time said, “Uh-huh.. she don’t need no ring.”

Now you know why he’s an X-boy.  That’s one “getting-hit-on” I didn’t mind.  Thanks man for opening my eyes.

–submitted by Ringless–

I’m waiting for an A train on 34th St. This guy comes over to
me and hands me a flyer doesn’t say a word just hands it to me – I look at
it and it’s a flyer for the Central Park Summery Stage 05? 20th Anniversary I
read through it and the events that were listed for Summer Stage. As I’m
reading the events on the flyer the train comes and I wait for the doors to open
find a seat and sit. I keep reading the flyer not having turned it over, I
finally do. There’s a note! I was surprised looked around to see if the
guy was anywhere in site and this is what it said:

“I do not work for them, but you are so beautiful Super Model Eyes. You
should be on that Next Top Model Show. Michael (191737732**)”

- A Friend

I smiled as I realized this guy must have been writing this note as he saw
me waiting for the train – I guess he thought I’d call never did but I kept
the flyer.

–Submitted by Super Model Eyes–

I’m standing outside with my boss on a smoke break. Whilst standing there, a man walks up to me and says, “Wow! An angel has dropped down from HEAVEN!!!!”

I didn’t even turn to acknowledge his presence. My boss did though. She turned to him and said, “She’s not interested. Keep on walking.”

Well put. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

–submitted by “desperately avoiding the fuglies”–

I was sitting on the subway minding my own business, when this Rastafarian Jamaican (R.J.) dude approached me. I didn’t know he was talking to me since I had my ipod blaring to avoid any inconveniences like these. I then took off my headphones when I realized he was pointing at his ear in a way to say, “Hey, take off your headphone for a second”, so I did. (I apologize in advance for the terrible Jamaican accent impression through text.. use your imagination lol)

Me: “What?!”
RJ: “Hay der preedy laday. How are you dooin today?”
Me: “Ok, you?” (why me?!)
RJ: “Ok. I saw you sitting der and had to introduce myself. Do you have a mon?”
Me: “Yup. I do….” (even if i didn’t I would’ve said, “yes”)
RJ: “How about I take you to Red Lobster, and treat you to a nice meal? I bet your man doesn’t treat ya like dat.”
Me: “Hahahahaha…” (Red Lobster?! Is that the best you can think of?! Shit, maybe if he said Chili’s I’d have said yes… Yeah right… not in a million years.)

At this point in time, thank god my stop came. I said, “Have a nice day” and exited.

–submitted by M–

Back at my old job, I used to make a trip to Manhattan to a clients site
to do some computer maintenance for this company. The women there all
knew me as just the computer guy with the nice eyes. The VP of the
office had a secretary that never had a problem letting me know that 11
year age difference was no big deal.

I believe the first thing she said was, “your much younger than the
other computer guy we had. How old are you? Really! 11 is a great
number!”

Though I was a little confused at first what she meant, it all came
clear the next few visits I made there. After helping her get setup
with the office IM, she decided to use it to make hints about how
adventurous she is. Telling me if I have ever considered dating a woman
11 years older. Don’t get me wrong, a pretty woman is a pretty
woman…usually woman just like to flirt. What she ended up telling me
on the IM was her breast size, her waist measurements, and her favorite
sexual position….which happens to be on top! BTW, that’s mine too!

I either chose the right words to say to her or she had this planned out
from day one…I told her “listen, you really need to stop blue balling
me like this. I cant walk around here with a hard on all day long!”

Next thing I know she rounds the corner to my desk and whispers “im
gonna be in the conference room in 2 minutes, if you show up then you
don’t have to worry about blue balls anymore”

WOW! This was something right out of a playboy article! I had no
choice but to react and bolt straight to that conference room. With the
lights extremely dim, we proceeded to go at it with each other.
Rubbing, kissing, grabbing, the whole nine yards…within 4 minutes all
of our clothes were completely off and she pushed me right onto the
conference table where, OH YEAH, she got right on top and started
working her magic.

I cant seem to remember how long it lasted…but I know it wasn’t a
minute ordeal. The whole situation lasted about 20-25 minutes. I asked
her if we can do this again at either one of our places the next night
or even later that day.

What she told me I’ll never forget ,”sorry honey, I don’t think my
husband would want me away in the evenings. Besides, I just wanted to
see how it was to fuck a much younger man. Thanks sweety.”

I GOT USED AND NEVER FELT BETTER ABOUT IT IN MY WHOLE LIFE!

–submitted by W.C–

I went to one of the parties with a few friends of mine. There was a guy there, John* (like i even remember this guys name anyway lol). Hey, after a few drinks, he sure looked good to me at that point.

So the inevitable happens in Vegas, we started to hook up. We then proceeded to sit on a couch and continue our tryst (haha). During a “break”, he begins to tell me a story.. little did i know, this was his ploy to get me back to his hotel room:

John*: Do you want to hear a story?

he whips out his cellphone and starts flipping through pictures

Me: Sure, why not

John*: So my friend and I were talking and she texted me that she wanted to see my dick. So I said, I’ll send you a picture of my dick, if you send me a picture of your tits.

Me: okkk…..

At this point in time, I’m thinking to myself, “Oh no he is not going there…. LOL”

John*: So she sent me pictures of her tits, and I sent her pictures of my dick…

He then proceeds to show me pictures of his penis from his cellphone… at different erection stages….hell it wasn’t even that big… how the fuck would i know when it was up?!

Me: …..

John*: It’s hot right?

Me: ooo yeah… real hot

Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?

John*: Let me go to the bathroom real quick, and how about we get out of here?

Me: mmm… sureee…

At this point in time, I turned to my friends, and said, “We need to get the fuck out of here, NOW!”

Oh man, I never ran out of a party so fast. Hey, at least he gave me a heads up on to how small he was. But damn, what a lame way to get a girl back to his hotel room, wouldn’t you agree?

names are all changed in this story & denoted by an *

–submitted by M.P–